My brother and I were never very close growing up. As younger children we had the standard sibling squabbles, and he'd pin me down and tickle me til I couldn't breathe and started crying, whereas I'd manage to get out of punishment for fights we had - while pinning the blame on him.
Then when we reached early adolescence, our parents split up. He went to live with Dad, and I went with Mom. We didn't see each other every day anymore - more like every other weekend, sometimes more frequently, but more often less than that. For my last couple of years of high school, I moved in with my Dad and actually lived with my brother on a permanent basis for the first time since I was twelve.
I think that time (more or less) apart allowed us to readjust our childhood relationship into an adult one. We sometimes had talks about important things like careers and goals in life, but looking back, I don't think I ever truly opened myself up to him. The majority of our time together was spent having fun and playing games, or with me driving him places (since I got my license several years before he did).
Then after high school I moved to Toronto for two years to go to school, only coming home for a couple weeks at a time, a couple times a year. And just when I was finishing college, he moved to New York to start it. And with limited finances available, trips home weren't frequent. He also went to China for a year, which definitely limited any chances of easy communication.
Then it was time for my brother to graduate, and Mom, Dad and I all went down to New York to witness it all. Mom went a day earlier than Dad and I, and so was in time to go to a dinner my brother threw for his girlfriend's birthday. Dad and I arrived several hours later, and Dad dropped me off at a graduation party to hang out with my brother while he went to the hotel to sleep. As my brother was walking me to meet all his friends, he mentioned that he was excited for me to meet them, and that most of them were still around after the proposal dinner.
My reaction was something like, "Whaaaaa?" He said, "you know I proposed tonight, right?"
My family hadn't mentioned a word. My Mom knew, as did Dad and my step-mom. As usual, I was left out of the big news til last. I made jokes about it, but inside I was thinking of the recurring theme through my life of feeling left out of family things. For instance, I was floored when my parents announced their split, whereas my brother was expecting it and totally unsurprised.
This was the second time I'd met my future sister-in-law - once before when she and my brother visited for a couple days, a few months before graduation. I've now had the pleasure of meeting her three times, and the most recent one was when my family travelled to Ottawa to witness their civil ceremony marriage.
(She's American, so they wanted to be legally married to get started on the paperwork for when she graduates in May and moves to Ottawa.)
Their big full-on wedding ceremony is in October in New York.
I'm not sure what's tradition, but I thought sisters of the groom are traditionally included in the bridesmaids. However the bridesmaids are just going to be her friends.
I've only met my sister-in-law three times so in a way I can understand her not wanting me to be a bridesmaid, but still I'm sad and a little hurt that I'm not going to be part of their wedding. They didn't even inform me that I wasn't - my mom asked her for me. I would be honoured to be a part of their celebration.
I'm just sad, I guess. Typical younger sibling, feeling left out of everything. Only this time it's not just a feeling of being left out.
